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BRICKIE

by BRICKIE

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1.
ALMOST THERE 02:21
They’re gone they’re gone It’s time to clean out All the shit that’s been haunting The corners of my house Whoa I just need a few more days I just need a few more weeks I’m gonna get on it I swear Say, “I’m gonna be More intentional About what I cook and eat! I’m Gonna go for daily walks!” I just need a few more days I just need a few more weeks I’m gonna get on it I swear I’m not leaving the walls bare anymore I’m hanging all my shit I don’t care if that pictures don’t match I don’t care if they’re not framed I don’t need a few more days I don’t need a few more weeks I’m really on it I swear I’m almost there
2.
Scraped ceiling where the Christmas tree carved a line Stopped after mass to grab one more bottle of wine One knock, then another, then two, then just one A little way for an old man to have some fun You’d walk in, snow in hair, shake off your dress coat Always smelled like Icy Hot when you got up close Sat at the head of table opposite your son Laughed loud at all our jokes and gave us great big hugs That was last Christmas You were here with us Late summer gave you one last famous ride through town The red lights blushed green, the stop signs knelt down The cars waved purple flags and we put you to rest In a big stone column broad as your chest Now it’s December 24th again but there’s an empty chair At the head of table, there’s one less name On the twinkling little gift tags, all the lights are casting shadows Your wife’s in the kitchen trying not to cry thinking about Last Christmas You were here with us
3.
I’ve been doing basic mathematics I’ve been doing awful calculations I learned that we’re almost at the age where Our folks were when their folks passed away and I’ve been doing the math and I Can’t figure out how to live and let die I want to feel alright about it But I’m stuck at home doing mathematics I’ve been doing math and finding out how Old my dad was when he had my brother Or what age my mom was when her mom died And how close I am to halfwaythrough life Add and subtract the years from the Average of all the people that you Reference for some kinda twisted metric Holy fuck I really hate this shit Four years older than my youngest uncle When I was born, now he’s retired. Four years younger than Bruce when he wrote Nebraska, so I’ve got time to pull it together Looking at my age relative to What other people managed to do By 29, god it’s so pathetic But my brain’s just stuck on mathematics I hate how my face feels when i get too much sun: Tired and worn out not things a boy my age should be feeling. Oh mercy, I’m fucked I’m spinning out now. I’m trying to slow down, thing is I just don’t know how Add and subtract the years from the Average of all the people that you Back your life up against like a Grade school recess measuring contest Looking at my age relative to What other people managed to do By 29, god it’s so pathetic But my brain’s just stuck on mathematics
4.
HE WAS I AM 03:50
And his brain started to crawl away Through his eyes and his ears and the things he’d say He was big and strong and cared for you Til he couldn’t laugh or tie his shoes You visited and held his hands While the years performed their terrible dance Then one day “Danny Boy” came on And breathed his last did old Jim Gaughan I never met him but I know that he was here He was dear And he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was! And I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am! She was living in her house alone When the sickness got into her bones We wept with her then moved her bed To the front room where the light gets in The months flew by and the weeks just crawled Some days she wouldn’t move at all She watched for birds and watched for deer Then one day she was gone from here Found letters that she wrote to Santa when she was just a little kid Yes I did And she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was! And I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am!

about

These are some loud bashy guitar songs that I wrote over the last six years. I wrote them about death and dying, and people I loved, and people who were loved by people I love now; about how one second another human is part of this world and then in the span of an exhale they’re not, and how fucking weird that is; about growing up and the merciless, unsettling creep of time; and about trying to affirm what it means to be here at all and be breathing and experiencing all of this. It’s all so terrifying and beautiful! These songs helped me make sense of some of those feelings, and I hope you like them.

“He Was I Am” is dedicated to James Gaughan and Moira Ottenhof. It’s inspired by a drawing James did. “Last Christmas” is dedicated to Harry Ottenhof.

Massive thanks to Sean Tomalty and Limestone Loft Studios. You are so, so, so dumb and without your idiocy none of this would’ve been possible.

credits

released December 9, 2022

Engineered, mixed, and mastered by Sean Tomalty at Limestone Loft
Produced by Sean Tomalty and Luke Ottenhof
Guitars, vocals, drums, and bass by Luke Ottenhof
Art by Andie

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BRICKIE Kingston, Ontario

Loud fun kinda sad guitar music!

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